Freak Out

Posted By:  Stephanie

I normally think of myself as a clear thinking person.

Calm.

I’m not one to dwell on the little things.

But sometimes…

I freak out.

I have a camera that I got for my birthday and it stopped working.

I was finally able to get a new one after A LOT of trouble because my dad didn’t have the receipt.

Here we are a month later and it’s not working.

Again.

I knew where I put the receipt in my wallet.

I felt one of my freak out episodes coming on.

I go to make sure with my eyes and hands that the receipt is still there so I could stop the feeling.

It’s not.

That’s when it happened.

The freak out.

This is when my blood pressure rises, I’m not mad, just freaking out.

Anxiety hits, something I don’t normally suffer from.

Except in situations when the freak out part of me comes out.

Nothing else matters in my freak out moment, I can only focus on the issue.

I start searching the house high and low, running like I’m in a marathon.

It’s late, Will is sleeping.

I want to run into the bedroom in the most dramatic way possible and flip on the light.

I want to say in a startling voice so he knows it is an emergency that I need help finding the receipt.

Somehow I’m able to fight the urge.

I know it isn’t realistic.

I know that Will losing sleep is in no way going to fix anything.

I know that I need to not follow through with my dramatic entrance.

Fighting the urge is hard, very hard because remember, nothing else matters right now but finding the receipt.

I continue searching.

I found the receipt and the feeling goes away immediately.

I look back and wonder why this feeling ever comes on.

Why do I freak out about small things at times but the large things in life I can be so calm about?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, nor do I think I will figure it out anytime soon.

One thing I do know is, I need a new camera.

Again.

This time I have a receipt.

Do you ever have experiences like this one?

Please tell me I'm not the only one.